Monday, January 28, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Warning : Publicity content included
A long time ago in the ages of the Pentium 1s and 2s, the Deva and the Asura clans would fight their Counterstrike clan wars in order to decide the fate of the world. The Devas always had the upper hand, what with Indra and his speciality Vajrayudha-47 gun and Vishnu once in a while picking off headshots with his Sudarshana Scout Rifle. So things went fine for a while, and the gaming world was happy.
It was during this time that in the month of Tula (July) there was a Devasura clan war in Swarga. The Devas were all pumped up and rearing to use their secret Agni grenade tactics. But as soon as the first match started off, BAM BAM BAM, all headshots, and the 3 million Devas went dead on the floor. The Asuras had scored their first CS match victory in yugas!
The Devas were surprised. The second match started soon, and this time they decided to Flash Bang the enemy with Surya (The sun), but no longer had a second passed, than BANG BANG and 'Terrorists Win..', the Devas had lost again.
Needless to say, The Devas lost the Swarga clan war none to 20.
The Devas, as usual, ran to their mentor and star gamer Vishnu for his Sudarshan Scout Rifle. However Vishnu, who was enjoying a quiet moment with his consort on his Snake-bed, was in no mood for a game:
Devas: "Oh Vishnu, greatest of gamers, the Asuras have defeated us at the clan war at Swarga.. they were too fast for us to see.. none of our tactics went through, and we could'nt score even one kill..Even Shiva on his Bull-pup Nandi could do nothing..Please salvage our pride and use your weapon to help us.."
Vishnu: "Learn to fight for yourselves, you @#%^s. Why the Naraka (hell) do you think you lost the war?"
The Devas look puzzled
Vishnu: "The Asuras use pitiable 486 processors, yet they beat your latest P4 dual cores. They use memory sticks for memory while you people have all the RAM you want. Yet you lost. Why?
You people, in your greed for winning, were ready to use the pitiable OS provided to you by Kubera (God of wealth): Lindows. And blinded by your hunger for power you bought it time and time again, not caring for how slow it was or how many bugs it had. You stuck to your old ways of running to me for debugging or pressing Ctrl-Alt-Delete. No more shall this happen. Its time you discovered a new way, a new OS."
Devas: "But oh Lord Vishnu what OS can be greater than Kuberasoft Lindows? And how do we get it? Even our software division manager Brihaspati has no clue.."
Vishnu: "There is one, created by the greatest software engineer of all: Linux. Learn it, install it, and you will see your counterstrike perform a million times faster than before. Then it will be killing spree for the counter terrorists (aka Devas).. "
Devas: "Linux? Duh.. We have no clue..What the hell (ahem.. excuse me).. what in the heavens is that ? How do we study about this oh lord.."
Vishnu: "Well theres an easy way, and a hard way. Hard way: Go to the mountain of Mandara, carry it and put it in the ocean of Paalazhi, Bring the snake Vasuki from the snake world, coil him around the mountain, churn the mountain and get your new Linux tutorial guide..."
(The Devas are puzzled and understandably baffled)
Devas: "Er.. and the easy way..?"
Vishnu: "Yes, the easy way.. I was coming to that. In Makar (March), there will be an event called FOSSMeet '08.. It'll be in the south of Bhaarat in a place called NIT. Go there, and you shall receive all the tutorials you need about Linux and Open source. Then only will you be freed of your sins. Its all about freedom and sharing, after all. And yes, there are good earthly girls to be seen too..."
Its that time of the year again.. See you all at FOSSMeet 2008!.. Please visit the link http://www.fossmeet.in/nitc
To know more about FOSS, see my previous blog on FOSS..
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Okay.. I'm back into blogging after a looooooooong time, and since i'm desperate to write anything at all.. here goes.. and theres a disclaimer..
Disclaimer : This post is not meant to entertain.. no PJ is meant to entertain.. it is meant to irritate people..Hence, Read at your own risk..
PJ = Poor Joke : also called Chali in Malayalam lingo : A remark/sentence misleadingly called a joke that has such low humour content, practically no standard, and no point at all, so that it tends to irritate more people rather than it entertains.
By definition, PJs can be of any type, but the most common type of PJ is done using duplicate meanings in language. I find English language most suitable- its such a shitty language that every word has atleast 2 unrelated meanings to them. Hence an easy algorithm for a standard chali maker goes as follows :
1. The Chali-Maker (henceforth, called CM) hears a sentence made in any language. eg : "The person reading this has absolutely no shit to do"
2. He scans his brain for any other alternate meanings to every word in the sentence. eg : Shit : has a real meaning that i'd rather not elaborate.
3. Find this word's opposite or any other related word, and make a sentence using this(any arbit shit (no pun) will do). eg : CM : "I bet you he has some peeing to do, though"
Rolling on the floor laughing, arent we...
I know how you must feel now.. that was a standard (i mean, no standard) no-class PJ, the type that you'd want to kill people for. But believe me, PJing is a mental exercise in itself : a lot of lateral thinking involved. And for the CM, its such a satisfying feeling (btw if you have'nt figured out yet, i am one of 'them' u know)
Another phenomena can be observed when more than one CMs get together : PJ bouncing : a process by which a PJ attracts another PJ (bounces) and this process can continue almost infinitely. for eg :
Normal Person : "I have no idea what this blog is about.. "
CM1 : "But you must be having an AirTel on what its about.. "
CM2 : "You can have your Water tell you about that too.."
CM3 : "Water is public property, it cant be his.."
CM4 : "Why cant it be private or protected property"(If you know your basic C++, you may not have missed that one)
CM5 : "Protected property? Protected by whom."
(By now, the normal person must be really pissed off, and makes an attempt to stop this onslaught on human common sense)
Normal Person : "Can you people stop saying PJs please"
CM6 : "But we never said 'PJs please' "
CM7 : "Wait, you just said it now.."
CM6 : "I never said 'it' either.." etc etc etc
Seriously, you should realize how much thinking goes into making a chali.. that why its so satisfying to the Chali-maker, despite the fact that Chali making is bad for (the CM's) health. Realize that and the you will start appreciating all those PJ bombs dropping around you..you can hear their BANG BANG sounds don't you.. well well i better get going..